What the Hell Happened to SoulCycle’s Home Page?

Screenshot of a portion of the SoulCycle home page, which features the text Warrior with a skull and crossbones in place of the letter O. Underneath that is the text, #decisthenewjan

Foxie Rating - 1 star - Ugly
When I landed on SoulCycle’s homepage via a smartphone, I was immediately greeted put off by the sight of a skull and crossbones:

Screenshot of the Soul Cycle home page with the text Warrior with a skull and crossbones in place of the letter O. Underneath that is the text, #decisthenewjan

My first thought was:

Oh no, SoulCycle’s been DDoS attacked!

My second thought was:

What on earth did the people of SoulCycle do to piss off the people of Anonymous???

But then I noticed the SoulCycle logo in the top left corner of the page, and that’s when I realized that this was the site’s ACTUAL home page.

What in Kale Juice Hell?!

What LSD-spiked juice cleanse was Team SoulCycle guzzling when they thought this train wreck of a home page design was a great idea?

The ominous design looks like it should be on the back of an arsenic bottle, alongside the number for a poison control hotline.

And because the design and UI (a) consumes the entire main content area; (b) isn’t mobile-optimized at all; and (c) does not have a clear call-to-action, at first glance, to a busy digital consumer who is not yet a SoulCycle enthusiast, it seriously looks like the site has been hacked.

And not in an oh that’s so cool and avant-garde kinda way.

But in a Sony pissed off North Korea kinda way.

Zooming in on the messaging itself…

The word, Warrior, paired with skull and crossbones does not make me want to join SoulCycle during the month of December… or January… or any other month for that matter.

Hey, come on over and join SoulCycle.
It’ll be just like exercising on Guantánamo Bay!

Yeah, NO thank you.

Adding to the page’s sinister vibe, when I tapped and zoomed to view what was going on in the background, I was chilled to find that it’s a list of names.

Close up screenshot of names appearing in the background, behind the skull and crossbones

Now the rational part of me figured it must be the names of SoulCycle’s “warriors.”

But another part of me couldn’t help but wonder if any of these people were still of this earth. Or did they perish in a SoulCycle Warrior Apocalypse?

Last but not least… that #TerribleHashtag

The Golden Rule of hashtags is that they should be short, catchy, and oh so easy to decipher that it barely requires the use of one brain cell.

The hashtag that appears beneath the skull and crossbones on the home page, however, is not only long…

Close up screenshot of the hashtag, "decisthenewjan" on the SoulCycle home page

But it took more than half-a-second, and WAY too many brain cells, to fully decipher it.

Decis then newjan?
Decist he new jan?

Oh wait…

Dec is the new jan

Umkay, I’m underwhelmed.

And, I’m exhausted…

My brain is so fatigued from the workout of reviewing SoulCycle’s home page, I think I’m going to indulge in an ice cream sundae now.

Heck, make that two ice cream sundaes!